Whenever I talk to a friend of mine that says they can’t wait to finish college, I have to fight the urge to grab them by the shoulders and shake the truth into them. While I love my life, you will be hard pressed to get me to admit that I wouldn’t time travel back to college if I could. Not so I could change stuff, but just so I can hang out in a limbo of awesomeness without responsibilities.
They were the greatest years of my life, if I’m being honest. And that’s not damning my current situation in the slightest. It’s just, when you boil it down, I would rather sit on my butt and play video games and consume food like a black hole without consequences like I used to. Granted, the being broke part wasn’t fun, but it added a nice little challenge, right?
Anyway, I guess the reason I’m thinking about all this is that I saw a cool article the other day about how Wabash College is including the video game Portal as required reading for one of their courses. It’s hard not to consider how cool a college class would be that got to cover that as a topic, and it instantly transported me back to memories of some of my favorite classes: Writing About Japanese Animation, The Prophets of the Old Testament, anything from Professor Kavka (I still remember the essay I wrote about a Boy and his Ein Sof) and a few others.
But, as is the case with anything, there are always a few things I didn’t quite soak up that I feel like I missed out on. Past Eddy was happy and ignorant. Here are some things I wish I learned in college:
- If you end up writing for a living, everybody will think they know how to do it better than you. The worst thing you can do for a writer is hand something back completely re-written without any additional notes about why it was like that. If you write for your job, this is going to happen to you. I wonder how accountants would feel if someone did that to their calculators. Or whatever it is they use for their jobs.
- Enjoy your memory, because one day it will be gone. I’ve always prided myself on an absurd memory. In college I barely ever took notes. And when I did, the writing of them ensured I would be able to recall it later without studying. But lately, I think my recollection is crumbling like stale bread. Sometimes I send myself e-mails to remind me of something, and then get excited when my inbox dings… only to realize that it was only me that sent the message. Last week, I freaked out because I couldn’t find my car keys… while I was driving. This list sadly goes on.
- Learn how to do man things, or face emasculation. My whole life I’ve excused not knowing how to do simple man tasks like shaving with shaving cream or building a house with my bare hands on not having a dad to teach me, really. That doesn’t work as much when you own a building and have someone that expects you to do stuff to help. Luckily, my wife is both very patient and also much handier than me.
- Boredom is a luxury. The thing I mainly miss about college is all the free time I had, but it’s not like I used it wisely. Now, I’m having to practice my hobbies while balancing marriage, friends, a career, etc. Thinking about the amount of time spent in Tallahassee watching Smallville with Publix chinese food is a little sickening, for more reasons than the obvious.
- For the love of all things holy, stop eating. I can’t stress this enough Past Eddy. In a few short years you will gain 60+ pounds. Then you will have to battle to lose it. What’s that, Past Eddy? You don’t care? I always knew you were a jerk.
- Most shows with big exciting mysterious premises ultimately don’t pan out too well. This is a pretty big one. As much as I love Lost, the more I think about the final season, the angrier I get. Oh, and Battlestar Galactica. Curse you, Ron Moore.
- There are things called barcades out there. Find them and enjoy them as soon as possible. Do not wait until you are 27. That would be a mistake.
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